An Aborigine selling Titleists

Have you ever played golf on the other side of the world? No, neither had I until the opportunity arose recently with a trip to Australia. One of my goals before I pass on to the great putting green in the sky is to play the top 100 courses in the world. This trip down under provided an ideal opportunity to knock another couple off the list, New South Wales in Sydney and Royal Melbourne, in, er Melbourne. The definitive list is always up for discussion, but most would be hard pushed to exclude these two gems. In the recent US Golf magazine, generally recognised as the master list, New South Wales is 47th and Royal Melbourne makes it into the Top 10.

My adventure started with a slow southerly drive from Sydney (they all drive slowly in Australia) of about 10 miles to Botany Bay National Park and New South Wales Golf Club. The club was designed in 1925 by world-renowned Scottish architect, Dr. Alister Mackenzie and opened in 1928. New South Wales has magnificent views of the Pacific Ocean and combines links features with holes played through tight scrub.

The welcome at the club was similar to that encountered at so many golf clubs nowadays and quite unlike the service I experienced in my journey around Australia. The assistant professionals were completely underwhelmed that I should ruin their nice quiet day in the shop by turning up on time to play “their” club. It was all they could do to point out that the course was outside and no I couldn’t hit any balls. The green fee was A$220 (about $200) and I would have expected the staff to take some pride in the wonderful course they have the privelege to work at. No, they were more interested in watching the clock. Also, be warned the rental clubs here are on a par with Fleet municipal pitch and putt and at A$38 ($30) they clearly have no interest in servicing overseas visitors.

The dress rules are also hysterical and a full A4 page greets you with dos and don’ts. Shorts have to be a specific length, logos a certain size, socks a certain colour. A catwalk in Paris has less rules. The dress rules only apply, of course, if the pro actually makes eye contact with you in the shop. So, I made it on to the course with Timberlands and an incorrectly logoed shirt.

Having escaped the misery brothers, the golf course was a joy. I met my playing partners on the first tee, two stocky Australians and a South African and of we went up a typical Mackenzie gentle opening par four, particularly with the helping ocean breeze.
The most famous hole at New South Wales is the 6th, a brute of a par three over the waters of Botany Bay. On the day we were playing the tee was so far forward it was playing about 100 yards, instead of its usual 200 yards. I managed to convince my partners to make the trek back over the bridge to the members tee. The tee is set into the Bay and the shot requires a well struck 3 or 4 iron across the rocks to a small, slopping green. A classic golf hole. (Just keep your eye out for the superintendent if you take to the members tee!))
The routing of the course is superb with short walks from green to tee and a wonderful mix of holes. The par threes are all a reasonable length and it does make you wish that modern architects would follow their forefathers and focus on skill rather than length as defence.

After playing the delightful short par four, fourteenth, we became aware of strange noises in the bushes behind the green. Out of the middle of the bushes came a striking looking Aborigine. I’m glad I had already made my par or I would have been petrified. Playing golf in Spain one becomes used to small boys offering used golf balls for 500 pesetas (I guess they will have to offer them in Euros now). This is the first time I have encountered an Aborigine selling Titleists. For A$5 (about $4) we were offered five ‘experienced’ balata golf balls. My playing partners all took up the offer. I opted to pay the A$5 for a quick chat and the photo you see below. And a delightful chap he was who told me the history of the area and showed me the exact spot where Captain Cook landed in Botany Bay in April of 1770. He disappeared as quickly as he came and rather like Shamus MacDuff in Michael Murphy’s classic, Golf in the Kingdom, I wondered if I had encountered a real person or some mythical golfing creature. If you have the good fortune to play New South Wales then keep your eyes peeled.

And so a few days later having flown over the bush fires it was on to Royal Melbourne, the one I had heard so much about. Situated a 25-minute drive south from the delightful city the first signs are not encouraging. The clubhouse is a monster. Low slung, grey, one storey. A throwback to an age when anyone holding a retracting pencil could pass themselves off as an architect. Changes are afoot and for a Club of this stature, not before time. Another level is to be added and hopefully the aesthetics considerably improved. It does no justice to the masterpiece you are about to encounter.

Formed in 1891, the Club has a fascinating history and actually moved three times before settling onto the wonderful sand belt land to the south east of Melbourne. The golf course comprises 36 holes, the West and the East. Like New South Wales, the West was designed in the 1926 by Alister Mackenzie over the remarkably short period of three months. The great Doctor was also the architect of Augusta National and the similarities are there for all to see - wide fairways, big, fast, sloping greens, false fronts sweeping the ball back down the fairway if you dare to underclub…wonderful stuff. The official tournament course is actually a composite of six holes from the East and twelve holes from the West, but you will be hard pushed to know which holes are in the composite and which are not. The club has hosted every Australian event of note including The Open and also played host to international events including The Eisenhower Cup, The Canada Cup and most recently The President’s Cup. On my visit one of the clubs officials, Paul Vardy took some time to show me around the Club’s impressive archives and trophies. If you arrange it ahead of time I’m sure they will show you similar hospitality.

It is a private members club, but if you call or email ahead, are a member of an overseas club and have a handicap certificate they will gladly take your money. At $A275 (about $250) it is not cheap, but for four hours of sheer bliss I would gladly have paid double. And as the chances of playing Augusta National are slimmer than Geri Halliwell, this is as close as you may get without making the drive down Magnolia Lane. This should be firmly in everyone’s top ten in the World, no question.

When I travel on holiday I rarely take my own clubs, particularly if I intend only playing a couple of times. Rental clubs are always a good barometer of the quality of course and also the interest the Club has in attracting visitors. Unlike my experience at New South Wales the pros at Royal Melbourne couldn’t have been more helpful and even suggested I go in the back of the shop and choose exactly the clubs I wanted from Titleists, Callaways and more. New X16s with firm shafts, thank you very much.

One thing I wasn’t prepared for, the flies. I have never seen so many in my life. Quite why they were so interested in following my golf for all 18 holes is a mystery. At one point I even contemplated rushing back to the Pro Shop and buying one of those hats with little corks attached in a vain attempt to keep them at bay. I even thought this could have a dual purpose and that by concentrating on the front cork I could cure my persistent sway away from the ball. However, a charming member came to my rescue with fly spray. At Royal Melbourne they don’t spray the air they spray it all over themselves…and it works. Bear that in mind if you play there in December!

The course is marvellous and like New South Wales the short holes are particularly noteworthy. The classic fifth, where I nearly holed my tee shot (no really) is pure magic. My playing partners, a couple of Londoners managed a round dozen between them after encountering the steep false front on the green.
Immediately following this is a dogleg right par four that is also worthy of inclusion in any great holes of the world. The tee shot around the dogleg tempts you cut the corner and if you stray too far right a double bogey or worse could be the result. Like all truly great courses I have a recollection of every hole after the round. The condition of the course was also superb and in tournament play the greens must be some of the fastest in the world.

If you are planning a trip down under I urge you to find some time in your schedule and include these two golfing gems. You will not be disappointed.